Sleepless Nights

a Sleepless girl looks at night sky

Sleepless…sleepless again,
Another long night,
It’s me back to the same old tragedy of
my bloodless fight,
Eyes wouldn’t close,
It’s late and cigarettes are being burned in rows,

Happiness is not cheap anymore,
It’s pricey and doesn’t stay for long,
The problem is, I can see my downfall from a mile
and still heading that way,
Who says I have free will?
All I do is what others say,

Love? Friendship? Work?
Seem just meaningless words,
Maybe they are just some silly reasons to pass another day,
Then this long night, I need some more words
or this restlessness won’t go away,

I can only hope that I sleep before these cigarettes perish,
Or maybe it’s just my another unfathomable wish,
Why I am like this?
Why I can’t close my eyes and see what everybody sees?
Meddled with thoughts of wrongs and rights,
It’s another of my sleepless nights…
– N2S

मंज़िल से पहले (Manjil Se Pehle)

a boy looking at the sea appearing thoughtful

थी जो आग मुझमे,
जलती थी जो मेरे अंदर,
वजह थी वह हर खुशी की,
हर सपना उससे जगमगाता था,
कहती थी हसरत, कुछ हसीन है मंज़िल मेरी,
कुछ अलग सी तकदीर है मेरी,

उस मोड़ से दूर कहीं एक राह बहुत लंबी है,
जहाँ है थोड़ी यादें, लम्हों की कमी है,
डर लगता है की ये आग बीच राह में ही बुझ ना जाए,
जीतने की ये हसरत कहीं ऐसे ही सुख ना जाए,
हर बीता हुआ दिन कुछ और साँसे खर्च कर जाता है,
कुछ चेहरे, कुछ शिकवे बेवजह दे जाता है,

कदम चलता हूँ हज़ार मगर पर क्यूँ वहीं खड़ा हूँ मैं,
जितना समझुँ में खुद को उतना उलझता जाता हूँ मैं,
आँखें बंद करूँ तो दम सा घुट जाता है,
पर खुली आँखों से भी अंधेरा दूर कहाँ जाता है,
कभी कोशिश करता हूँ किसी को हँसाने की,
पर ये सोचकर ही हँसी बिखर जाती है की यह कोशिश कितनी झूठी है,
जब खुद ही दम तोड़ चुके है अरमान,
तो फिर मंज़िल से क्यूँ ये दूरी है,

हर जाती हुई शाम मुझे मेरे सपनों से दूर कर देती है,
और हर सुबह मेरे हसीन सपनो को तोड़ देती है,
धीरे धीरे ये आग बुझने लगी है,
पर जब देखता हूँ तो मेरी कहानी अब भी अधूरी सी है,
और जैसे कुछ कहानियाँ अक्सर ख़त्म हो जाती है मंज़िल से पहले,
बस एक डर है कहीं ये आग ना बुझ जाए मेरे जलने से पहले…

1 AM Friend

a woman sitting alone in the night and smoking

It’s 1 AM and my eyes are on mobile screen,
have already read everyone’s posts, comments, and whining,
All cigarettes in the carton have perished,
and the sad playlist is almost finished,
But for me, there is still no sleep,
I wish to go out this time of the night,
lie on the road and watch the stars in the entire Galaxy,

I am in love,
but she is asleep,
the confusion, the restlessness engulfs my soul,
I wish she could see this,
With no expectations or any hope,
without any lie or pretend,
I need someone to talk,
I just need a 1 am friend,

Would talk food, would talk politics,
hours on movies, would talk anything about electronics,
Would listen to my favorite songs,
would discuss the rights and wrongs,
Then there would be stories,
ranging from horrors to comedies,

Mumbai streets would be our beds,
and the savory vada pav would fill us,
We would know there is no future for us;
We would be two lonely creatures of the night as such,
Smoke with me,
Share sleepless moments with me,
Fall on me,
and say whatever hurting,
Without any promises of togetherness,
Give my loneliness some meaning,

Like everything, these nights will also end,
But for now, my loneliness really needs a 1 am friend…

The Only Dream I Had

empty and wet road with forests around the sides

Sitting at the roadside with friends,
I looked at the gaudy block and buildings,
I wished I could own one of these someday,
I wondered how it would feel looking down this way,

Walking on the streets, I saw a shiny car in black,
A man in a suit sitting in the back,
He was calm, classy perhaps capable of everything,
I wish I could be him someday and would buy expensive things,

I was excited, what she would say,
She was the only one with whom I want to stay,
She did come but with someone,
Tall, mean, a ‘jerk’, that someday she would call him,
It was raining; she was standing under the expensive umbrella,
She said, “You deserve someone better as you are a good fella”,
“Yeah, I know that I am not crying, it just rain-water”,
She left in the car, “Yes she is no better”,
The road was deserted and I was lonely,
The rain kept pouring down on me,

Once you are wet, you don’t care how much you are drained,
You stop feeling anything after long periods of pain,
Watching her go I waited for her to look back,
But, she took away the only dream I had,

After several seasons, I was reading myself in the news,
I smiled on thousand lies not a single truth,
Standing on the top of my apartment at the Marine Drive,
My glance passed from the sea to a group of five,
They were laughing, joking and were happy,
I wished I could be that chirpy,

My fancy car stopped at the traffic light,
I saw a young man looking at me, dressed in blue and white,
He appeared as a warrior shining in his armor,
I wished I could be like him, carefree, rebellious, and a lot younger,
Now I own what others could only dream,
But my dream where is she?
Even after having everything why I am so empty?

It was raining in the dark night,
the road was empty with no other vehicle on the sight,
Around the corner, a woman was standing with arms crossed her chest,
Water dripping from her long hair drenching the rest,
“Lady, can I offer you a lift?’
“No thank you, I am waiting for my kid”,
Perhaps I was still the same old sentimental fella,
I came out of my car, handed over my expensive umbrella,
“Lady at least you can have this”,
She hesitated at first but anyways took it,
Then I saw her face which was glowing in the dark,
She was the same girl who once had my heart,
“Do you remember me?” She asked,
I didn’t reply and walked towards my car,

The car started and I didn’t look back,
I no more remember the only dream I had…


Every Time

beautiful eyes

Every time I see in your eyes,
There are some truth and equal lies,
My mind warns them from staring,
but my heart ignores and keeps looking,
When I touch your hand and feel it,
It is a little warm and equally gelid,
My body instructs to hold them,
but my heart advise considering again,

Every time you are near,
I feel a part of you is present, the rest at linger,
My heart says you are mine,
But my mind shakes me, saying it is just an incline,
I have the guts to ask your feelings,
but my heart is fragile and is afraid of losing,
Don’t speak the truth,
I am happy in this deceiving,
We both know the reality,
but please don’t stop playing,
I carry a childish heart, you show juvenile acts,
If today is so beautiful who wants historical facts,
Let your eyes splendidly pretending,
And let me have them staring…