The Man

silhouette of a man
Being a man is making the choice between your happiness and the happiness of your loved ones and always choosing the latter. It is about not crying when your heart is broken. It is about being silent when you are hurt the most. It is about silently checking on the doors and windows if they are properly locked when everyone else is peacefully sleeping. It is about taking the last piece of the pie until everyone else is filled. It is about working hard everyday, taking all the stress of the job, bearing the all shit of boss and office politics just because you can’t afford risks. It is about checking upon family and calling and calling them until you know they have safely reached. In the end you would know that nobody will realize what pain you went through but it doesn’t matter as you didn’t do all that for recognition. When you will be done with the life and you are about to go, you would look back at your loved ones one last time to check if everyone is OK…because you are…THE MAN…

You Are Incredible

a woman looking at sea looking incredible

(Spare the Grammar! I don’t intend to improve it.)
The following lines are not dedicated to some Steven Spielberg science fiction movie I have downloaded from the torrent and watched in the afternoon or some TED lecture I have attended today on YouTube. I am sincerely dedicating this article to my best friend–cum-tech advisor Chandan Singh. Actually not even him, the heartfelt, mind-jolting, thought-provoking, typing-inducing, attention-seeking catalyst was the fourth beer he offered saying, “Saale kuch nahi hoga, tu toh habitual hai”. Yes he was right I am habitual but not in drinking and bullshitting but bullshitting being sober. Anyways let’s not delve any further into who said whom syndrome. There is this thought that has been bugging me since morning and I must share it with the very few people who click on the Facebook icon hoping that there would be something interesting going on instead of the usual bullshit-who ate what, who went where, who was with whom, who watched what, who did what drama. The truth the real truth, nobody cares what you do, it doesn’t matter to them. They have their own issues ready to be updated, ready to be commented, or ready to be shared over WhatsApp or after-drink Bakchodi. One moment they talk about it, the other second, “What the fuck was it?”. The very reason people like or comment on some random Facebook update is that they know the general rule. It has become a social etiquette like any other common etiquette that you shouldn’t call a person an idiot even if he is an idiot. If you have liked ten of their updates, they feel compelled to do the same for a couple of your updates, no matter how anti-intelligence they seem. This is the social networking behavior these days which has formed the base for social behavior everywhere sans the actual social behavior. Anyways I am not here to teach people what they should do; they have their own obscured conscience doing that for them. Why I am here? Damn the fourth bottle!

I am here because I see people bickering over trivial issues everywhere-How they are alone, how they not happy, how unimportant they feel sometimes or how they tend to feel suicidal and some other shitty feelings they come across when they see folks earning more than them, somebody getting more successful than them or seeing a Ram-Seeta type couple, or wondering over a totally Made by Money couple with a good looking Menka type girl with a Yamraj type man or a Hidimba type girl with a Kamdev type boy. Somebody rightly said, “Log apne dukh se itne dukhi nahi hain jitne dusre ke sukh se dukhi hain”. Must be some high level bakchod, who got these golden words out after certain percentage of alcohol mixed with his blood and reached to the cerebrum, forcing these life-changing quotes come out in a James Bond manner when he shoots a random villain and a one-liner follows involuntarily, “Yes considerably”- from Casino Royale.

Damn it, the battery on my laptop is showing that it hasn’t got enough juice to cough another ten minutes and I am too lazy to move my ass to get the charger, hence I have to cut short my speech, relief to certain folks. Here, I end this totally misplaced article by these few sentences that I originally intended to speak.

Whenever you feel sad, lonely or unimportant about yourself, remember- At any moment your body has 2.5 trillion red blood cells in your body. There are more living things on your skin than the total number of humans living on the planet. 2 gram of your DNA can hold the entire digital information of the whole world. There are 7 octillions atoms in your body that mean 7 multiply by 1000 trillion trillion atoms, more than the stars in the whole universe. So before you feel little about yourself because you have a low job, or your girlfriend or boyfriend dumped you, or you think you are fat, ugly or not good enough. Remember that you are never alone, you are not small, and you are a universe in yourself. You are more mysterious than the ocean, more unique than life itself and more important than anything ever created. You are god’s most beautiful creation known yet!!!


How to Cope India’s Semi-Final Loss

Virat Kohli

So India lost to New Zealand in semi-final today. The heartbreak is real. I switched off my TV just after Rishabh Pant was caught out after his patience fizzled out. Though I was not seeing the live broadcast after that, I was finding hard to keep myself away from peeking into Cricbuzz commentary. The moment Dhoni was run-out, which rarely happens, the hope of was all gone for India. We lost. We lost after such a fine run. We lost after we were so close to the cup. The Aussies were an average team this year and Sri Lanka one of the worst, it was too easy for us. Still, we lost to Kiwis. Unbelievable but true. Kameena Kane. Drop him from IPL next year. So if you are like me feeling restless, nauseated and lost after India’s defeat, here are some of the ways you can cope with the sadness.

Booze – Well, the first and obvious choice for heartbroken is the good old alcohol. Dash to the local liquor store to get a hold on a six-pack of the favorite Indian beer, Kingfisher. There are 75 per cent chances that its stocks would have finished. But if you are living in Mayur Vihar Phase 1, make that 100 per cent. If not the King then you can at least have some RS with your buddies, which have nothing royal about it but at least it serves the budget and desperation of Indian middle-class men. However, if you are alone in this tragic time, you can break your piggy-bank and get yourself a Signature. It tastes great…simply great.

Get Stoned – Call you hilly friends from Malana, Manali or Doon for some smoky favors. Don’t listen to their crap like, “Nahi hai bhai”, “Khatm ho gaya”, “Maine toh kabka chhod di”. This is a time of desperation, tell them you need it and you will not entertain no for answer.

Binge eating – Just go binge eating on Masala Chap, Malai Chap, Paneer Chap, Momos, Chowmein, Pani Puri, Bhale Papadi, Chicken Lollypop, Spring rolls, Kachauri, Samosa and on on. Don’t allow your mind and body anytime or room to recollect bad memories of today’s match. Just clog any chance of thought by tons of bad fatty fried foods.

Call your mom – Yes you read it right. Call your mom and she will make sure, you will be occupied for the next two hours. But unlike other days, instead of pretending to listen to her, actually listen to her today. Talk her about – childhood days, her cooking, your increasing weight, the office politics, the immoral mausi ki ladki, your friend’s brother’s sister’s divorce and don’t forget to mention her about the kameeni chachi and she will go on till millions of years.

Watch Friends videos – YouTube is filled with small-short videos from Friends. Just type Friends on YouTube search bar and you are done for the night. Make sure you watch Joey’s Quiz video.

Get Laid – For those lucky friends who are in live-in relationships or who are recently married but not married more than two years, you lucky bastards. Get some action! For those who are married for more than two years like me, well you are as good as single, so you should just single-handedly help yourself!

Adopt football, basketball or tennis – For the majority of Indians who don’t know much about sports except cricket, like me, it’s time you should adopt football, basketball, tennis or any other sport except kabaddi. Since we are shitty in most of the sports except kabaddi and cricket, India won’t go to the final stages of these sports, so no heartbreak. I am choosing tennis, team Rafa!!!

Find some solace with your Dream11 winnings – If you have played and won something, even a Rupee on Dream11 today, then you should be content that at least your team won somewhere. However, if you have lost there too, it’s time you should follow all the above steps more seriously.

Find someone to blame – Well here is the favorite time-pass of Indians. We always find someone to blame for our problems. So who should be it for us today? Is it the trio of our top-three performing batsmen who coincidently scored just three runs today? Is it rain that should have done its job properly and washed out the match completely? Is it Kohli’s bad luck that he can win matches but not cups? Is it runs we missed or catches they took? Oh, I forgot, this list was for coping the loss not getting back into that zone. Strike this out and leave it for cricket analysts, our TV channels, internet trolls to discuss and do postmortem or vivisection on it.

Waiting for Sacred Games 2 – Yes Gaitonde bhai is coming back but it is still almost 35 days away! Since the World Cup is officially and emotionally finished for us, Sacred Games can only bring some satisfaction to our hearts. Hotstar made sure that I see the trailer at least million times so I am desperately waiting for it and yes for some steamy scenes. Count yourself phony if you are there for the story only…hihihihi

Get Sleep – Finally just switch off your lights, your mobile, your doors, your windows, your eyes…and cut yourself from the world. You should wake only after a week, till the dust settles on your house, TV channel debates and most of all your sad WC 2019 semi-final memories.

Bonus – If you can write, just compose a list of shitty ways that might but won’t let you forgot the pain but at least you can let the world know that you feel lost but you still believe in your team. Tomorrow is another day and Men in Blue would be back. T20 WC 2020, we are coming…