Sleepless Nights

a Sleepless girl looks at night sky

Sleepless…sleepless again,
Another long night,
It’s me back to the same old tragedy of
my bloodless fight,
Eyes wouldn’t close,
It’s late and cigarettes are being burned in rows,

Happiness is not cheap anymore,
It’s pricey and doesn’t stay for long,
The problem is, I can see my downfall from a mile
and still heading that way,
Who says I have free will?
All I do is what others say,

Love? Friendship? Work?
Seem just meaningless words,
Maybe they are just some silly reasons to pass another day,
Then this long night, I need some more words
or this restlessness won’t go away,

I can only hope that I sleep before these cigarettes perish,
Or maybe it’s just my another unfathomable wish,
Why I am like this?
Why I can’t close my eyes and see what everybody sees?
Meddled with thoughts of wrongs and rights,
It’s another of my sleepless nights…
– N2S

1 AM Friend

a woman sitting alone in the night and smoking

It’s 1 AM and my eyes are on the mobile screen,
have already read everyone’s posts, comments, and whining,
All cigarettes in the carton have perished,
and the sad playlist is almost finished,
But for me, there is still no sleep,
I wish to go out this time of the night,
lie on the road and watch the stars in the entire Galaxy,

I am in love,
but she is asleep,
the confusion, the restlessness engulfs my soul,
I wish she could see this,
With no expectations or any hope,
without any lie or pretend,
I need someone to talk,
I just need a 1 am friend,

Would talk food, would talk politics,
hours on movies, would talk anything about electronics,
Would listen to my favorite songs,
would discuss the rights and wrongs,
Then there would be stories,
ranging from horrors to comedies,

Mumbai streets would be our beds,
and the savory vada pav would fill us,
We would know there is no future for us;
We would be two lonely creatures of the night as such,
Smoke with me,
Share sleepless moments with me,
Fall on me,
and say whatever hurting,
Without any promises of togetherness,
Give my loneliness some meaning,

Like everything, these nights will also end,
But for now, my loneliness really needs a 1 am friend…

The Only Dream I Had

empty and wet road with forests around the sides

Sitting at the roadside with friends,
I looked at the gaudy block and buildings,
I wished I could own one of these someday,
I wondered how it would feel looking down this way,

Walking on the streets, I saw a shiny car in black,
A man in a suit sitting in the back,
He was calm, classy perhaps capable of everything,
I wish I could be him someday and would buy expensive things,

I was excited, what she would say,
She was the only one with whom I want to stay,
She did come but with someone,
Tall, mean, a ‘jerk’, that someday she would call him,
It was raining; she was standing under the expensive umbrella,
She said, “You deserve someone better as you are a good fella”,
“Yeah, I know that I am not crying, it just rain-water”,
She left in the car, “Yes she is no better”,
The road was deserted and I was lonely,
The rain kept pouring down on me,

Once you are wet, you don’t care how much you are drained,
You stop feeling anything after long periods of pain,
Watching her go I waited for her to look back,
But, she took away the only dream I had,

After several seasons, I was reading myself in the news,
I smiled on thousand lies not a single truth,
Standing on the top of my apartment at the Marine Drive,
My glance passed from the sea to a group of five,
They were laughing, joking and were happy,
I wished I could be that chirpy,

My fancy car stopped at the traffic light,
I saw a young man looking at me, dressed in blue and white,
He appeared as a warrior shining in his armor,
I wished I could be like him, carefree, rebellious, and a lot younger,
Now I own what others could only dream,
But my dream where is she?
Even after having everything why I am so empty?

It was raining in the dark night,
the road was empty with no other vehicle on the sight,
Around the corner, a woman was standing with arms crossed her chest,
Water dripping from her long hair drenching the rest,
“Lady, can I offer you a lift?’
“No thank you, I am waiting for my kid”,
Perhaps I was still the same old sentimental fella,
I came out of my car, handed over my expensive umbrella,
“Lady at least you can have this”,
She hesitated at first but anyways took it,
Then I saw her face which was glowing in the dark,
She was the same girl who once had my heart,
“Do you remember me?” She asked,
I didn’t reply and walked towards my car,

The car started and I didn’t look back,
I no more remember the only dream I had…


There Is A Place

a man looking at the evening sky
“There is a place in my heart,
where love is sleeping in peace…”

There is a place on the internet,
where beautiful music plays and incorrupt souls sing,
far from the glitz, glamour, noise and fancy things,
Artful creations ripped from the heart, drenched in nostalgic emotions,
Paintings with colors of life and brushes of reflections,
It doesn’t matter if every ear gets them,
Perhaps their beauty lies in whispering the silent rhythms,

There is a place in my city,
where only wanderers and dreamers dwell,
Looking up to the sunset, every day becomes farewell,
There is no haste, there is no chase,
Nobody owns it, and it’s everybody’s place,
Beauty doesn’t have to be praised always,
Sometimes it is just about a moment of cathartic taste,

There is a place in my heart,
where love is sleeping in peace,
Far from disguises, lies, and make-believe,
It is where nobody comes, nobody interferes,
Somewhere I am true, holding something I care,
Life is not about breathing, growing and dying,
Perhaps it is just about feeling…


My Empty Room

Empty Room
“If she wants to hurt me,
I wish she does it tonight”

Damn my empty room,
this gloomy fluorescent light,
Me sitting in a corner against the empty wall,
And burning on my lips, the fifth cigarette of the night,
No messages from her,
I am still waiting with a faint hope,
restlessness seeps in,
despair grows and grows,
but the phone won’t buzz,
not even for a lie,
there were days when she used to hang after four in the morning,
Now there isn’t even a simple goodnight,

There is a lonely fish in the bowel,
I haven’t named it yet,
No sleep in my eyes,
My heart burned and hurt,
I wonder unaware of my anguish,
she must be sleeping tight,
I am doing nothing wrong
but something isn’t right,
If she wants to leave, just leave,
but don’t give me any more lies,
If she wants to hurt me,
I wish she does it tonight,

Damn! I need something to get high,
These cigarettes aren’t enough,
I have such a bad playlist,
finding hard to get the right words,
I don’t have a single sad song
to speak of my plight,
Nobody to call,
I don’t want to make it someone’s gossip or delight,
Why I even fall in love?
I was content with my lonely life,
But she made it feel worthwhile,
She gave me reasons to be happy and smile,
Now her silence makes me so terrible,
I can’t think straight, I need another light,
God! Give me something please,
I really need something to make through this long night. ..